Relationships aren’t about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. Learn to love the distances in relationship as much as the togetherness.
2. See your partner for who he or she really is
The romantic tragedy occurs when one partner attributes to the other the qualities the latter doesn’t possess. When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.
3.Learn from each other
Be able to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, don’t blame your partner, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.
4. Get comfortable being alone
In order to accept that love can’t rescue you from being alone, learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.
5. Look closely at why a fight may begin
Some couples remain in a vicious circle by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting—and likely will fight far less.
6. Own who you are
Own who you are. We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re yearning for something that is out of reach, something in another person that we don’t think we possess in ourselves. But then we discover that we didn’t get what we were looking for. True love is about loving yourself first. You can only get from another person what you’re willing to give yourself.
7. Don’t be scared of ordinariness
After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it. The trick is to see that ordinariness can become the real “juice” of intimacy. Then everyday lifewith the partner becomes extraordinary.
8. Expand your heart
We all want to be happy, which also includes the desire to be close to someone. To create real intimacy, discover the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you. It’s easier to find the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.
9. Focus on giving love
Genuine love is first about giving. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.
10. Let go of expectations
You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else. Refer to your own resources: offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it should be like.
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